Let's stick together...

But what is a perfect relationship? In modern day society we assume a sucessful relationship is about staying together with the one partner for your life but it hasn’t always been this way...

I recently came across anthropologist Helen Fisher who has dedicated years of her life observing 'love' in cultures around the world. Apparently, 97% of mammuals do not 'pair up' in order to rear their young. Humans are actually an annomoly! It makes you wonder why we are so unusual and why we stay together with our partners? She has a theory about why this is. Fisher suggests it's so the couple can rear their young together... We didn't always live in the world we do now, back in the hunter gatherer days a women could not carry around a heavy baby and fend for herself so required a man to look after her. The man could only realistically look after one women, hence we have monogomy. So, the idea of 'attachment' and forming a 'pair bond' is not necessarily some romantic notion but rather a necessity for our survival!

Three points on a triangle

Psychologist Robert Sternberg has proposed we need three different elements to achieve the ideal relationship; Intimacy, Passion and Commitment...

Intimacy is all about being close or having a connection or bond. Passion doesn’t need much explanation, it's all about romance, physical connection and ultimately physical love. Lastly, Commitment is the ability to share short term plans but also to make plans together for the future.

If you are ticking all of the boxes your love is called Consumate Love. Sternberg’s overall theory is called the ‘triangle theory’ as each of the three elements sits on one point of the triangle and different combinations of the three provide different types of relationship:

It's an interesting tool that can help us understand relationships and that provides us with the language to discuss the importance of different parts of the triangle over time in order to build a sucessful relationship.

A multi-faceted word – the greek viewpoint

So, let’s start at the very beginning – the definition of love. The word love has many meanings and is defined very broadly making it a difficult concept to pin down... it can mean the affection or friendship that you have towards another person, it could be the more intense desire or attraction you feel towards another or even refer to sexual passion.

The Ancient Greeks split love into three types of love, Eros, Philia and Agape perhaps allowing us to clarify what love is in more detail:
-Eros is used to refer to a passionate, intense desire for something often expressed as a sexual desire. In Greek mythology Eros was the God of Love and son of Aprodite.

-Phillia is a fondness or appreciation of the other. It's not necessarily just about friendship but can be loyalties towards family, a political cause, role you hold or your community.
-Agape is love that is spiritual and not sexual in nature. It refers to the love God might have for man or man for God and is extended to mean a brotherly love for all of humanity. In Ancient Greece it is referred to as a sense of affection or deeper sense of true love.

It feels important to split love into it's different elements in order to understand what we really mean by 'love'? What is it to be in 'love' and which elements of Eros, Phillia or Agape are really necessary for a lasting relationship?

Welcome to the ‘luuve’ blog!

Welcome to my blog!

I’ve been thinking about love for a while, having myself to have claimed to be 'in love' for a number of years! It seems that in today’s society love is a holy grail we are all searching for, just look at the number of dating sites and people registered, we’re a nation of romantics! I’ve got many friends who claim to be ‘in love’, others who are on the lookout for love and some who just want to have fun while they’re young! It got me thinking, do we really know what this love is and is it something we really need? My blog aims to look at love from many different viewpoints and perspectives to shed some light or at least share some theories on the complex conundrum that is love...

Log on every now and again to look at the world of love from a wide variety of sources ranging from the science of love to love’s portrayal in literature, love in the movies to the psychology of love, from the old philosopher’s view to some more recent romantic songs...

Also, feel free to drop me a note and let me know what you think about love!